Overthinking gets a whole lot more interesting after you’ve been ghosted.
Imagine this. You meet someone. It’s an instant connection. You may even go on a couple of dates together and text each other literally every chance you get. You have great conversations and an even greater time together.
Then a few months down the line, out of nowhere…they stop responding.
Crickets! Zilch! Radio silence!
You’ve officially been ghosted.
They stop responding to your texts and your attempts to make plans. You even wonder if they’re alive and well but based on how active they are on their social media, that’s clearly the case. It becomes more and more obvious that they just don’t want to talk to you.
If you are an expert overthinker, what will surely follow is a series of questions starting with “What did I do wrong?” and ending with “Why? Things were going so well!”
Being ghosted is one of the worst ways to end a relationship (of any kind). It can leave you feeling horrible about yourself and having no clue where things went wrong. This can seriously impact your emotional and mental health as well.
Maybe you have been ghosted recently and are currently going through a hard time because of it. Here are 5 helpful ways to stop overthinking and move on after being ghosted. I hope you find these helpful!
What Not To Do After Being Ghosted
Absolutely DO NOT believe that it is your fault!!
When someone ghosts another person, it says a lot more about them than you.
No matter what went wrong in your relationship (however short-lived it may have been), the best option is to communicate issues upfront. This takes a lot of courage and emotional maturity. Sadly, not everybody can communicate that easily so some people take the easy way out, in this case, ghosting.
It’s very easy to feel like it is your fault somehow.
Maybe if you had acted a different way or said different things, you would still be talking to that person. But remember that as long as you showed up as your most authentic self and had good intentions, there is no reason for you to blame yourself for anything. Trust that whatever is meant for you will find you eventually.
1. Let it take however long it needs to take
After a breakup or the end of a relationship of any kind, moving on can be a long and arduous process. It’s very tempting to want to beat yourself up if, after many months, thoughts of that person still pop into your brain.
I used to be soo mad at myself whenever that happened to me. I mean, I had a career to pursue and goals to achieve (not to mention a life to live!). Yet, here I was in the middle of the night, losing sleep over someone who broke my heart literally months ago. That person was probably out there living their life while I was wallowing in my own pity party.
“That’s unacceptable!” said me to me. “You’re supposed to be over this already!”
It’s essential to lead with kindness towards yourself here. Remember that everybody processes things differently. As much as we might trivialize it sometimes, ghosting is a very hurtful thing to do to someone. It can bring up a lot of negative feelings or even triggers for some people.
That’s why it’s so important for you to not give yourself a timeline by which you need to get over those feelings. That’s just not how it works in the real world. Let it take however long it needs to take. In the meantime, give yourself grace and just live your life one day at a time. Before you know it, you’ll wake up one day and be surprised how little you think of that person!
2. Focus on the good times instead
When someone ghosts you out of nowhere, especially if it’s someone that you’ve been talking to for a while and that you really connected with, it sucks and it can make you really really angry.
But that takes so much energy and it’s so exhausting! Why not spend that energy instead on remembering the good things about your relationship with that person? In order to finally stop overthinking and move on after being ghosted, I find that focusing on the positive is a pretty helpful trick.
Last year, I was ghosted by a guy that I really liked and whose conversations I enjoyed so much. For months after, whenever I thought of him and started to feel angry, I reminded myself of how interesting our talks were and how much he made me laugh. Whenever I started to feel embarrassed for opening up to him about certain aspects of my life, I praised myself for letting myself be vulnerable with him because it allowed us to really connect and find things that we had in common.
Focusing on the good things takes a lot less energy than being in your head about this person, thinking of all the ways you want to destroy them for hurting your feelings. When you focus on the good things, you put yourself in a state of gratitude and can actually start being thankful that you got to share these positive experiences with that person (instead of regretting them).
3. Remind yourself of all the things that make you awesome
Being ghosted can really bring someone’s confidence down. It can send you into a cycle of overthinking and negative thoughts. It can make you question if you’re good enough or if you did something wrong in that relationship.
This couldn’t be farther from the truth!
Take out a piece of paper and remind yourself of all the things that make you an amazing person! All the reasons why you’re a great human and that person who ghosted you is seriously missing out! Remind yourself of how talented, smart, funny and dope you are!
Sometimes, people ghost you for reasons that have NOTHING to do with you. Before you go down that rabbit hole of overthinking and self-blame that will only leave you feeling sad and miserable, keep those reminders handy whenever you start thinking of that person and doubting your awesomeness!
4. Realize that it may have nothing to do with you at all
When someone ghosts you, amidst all the overthinking and feeling bad, take a few minutes to realize that it may actually not have anything to do with you at all.
Let that sink in.
People have lives and we are all going through different things. Sometimes, different events may prevent us from being able to properly show up in a relationship.
Maybe that person got really busy and forgot to text back. Too much time may have gone by so they just left it at that.
Maybe something very serious is going on in their personal life. That could make it difficult for them to communicate and engage with others.
Take the focus away from you for a second. Consider what may be happening in the other person’s life that you have no clue about. This will help you stop overthinking and bring you some peace as you realize that the whole situation may not have anything to do with you at all.
5. Accept that you may never get closure (and that’s fine!)
When you are ghosted, there is a very high chance you will never hear back from that person again.
Sad but that’s the reality of it.
Sometimes, you might get back in touch with the person and get an explanation for why they ghosted you. Most of the time though, that doesn’t happen.
That’s why it is crucial for you to accept that you may never hear back from this person and get the closure you think you need. But that’s okay because instead, YOU can give yourself that closure.
Should You Call Out Someone Who Ghosted You?
Yes…and no.
Everybody has different opinions when it comes to this. Some people believe there is nothing wrong with reaching out to the person who ghosted you to demand some answers. Others think that is absolutely out of the question.
Personally, I believe it depends on you.
What do you feel like you need to do to be okay and properly move on? Don’t be afraid to self-reflect and consider if maybe you played some role in the ghosting too. There may have been some communication issues between you and that other person and not knowing how to express their concerns, they decided it was easier to just ghost you.
Or, honestly, sometimes people just get busy and forget to respond. After much time has passed, it then becomes awkward to get back to you.
This has happened to me before. A friend abruptly stopped responding to my texts for a few months. I was convinced that there was something wrong with our friendship but after reaching out to him, I found out that he got busy and preoccupied with things going on in his personal life. Since then, we have managed to mend our friendship.
So listen to your intuition and decide what you need to do for yourself. If you are okay with not getting answers, that’s fine. But if you feel like you need to reach out to this person, go ahead.
However, something to remember is that you might not get the answer that you want or need. So that is something to keep in mind if you are going to initiate a new conversation with the person who ghosted you.
Final Thoughts
Moving on after being ghosted and breaking the cycle of overthinking that comes from it can be incredibly hard.
But you can choose to take your power back, celebrate the good times spent with that person and do your best to not make it about you. Eventually, the right person for you will come along. When they do you definitely won’t miss them!
