Wouldn’t you like to know how to become more confident?
We all do.
As a young woman in this complicated world, sometimes I feel like everything is being thrown at me from all sides.
I have to succeed professionally and have a great career. I have to learn to become independent and self-sufficient. Eventually, it would also be great to find my forever person and have a steady relationship.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way.
As women, we have to face all these expectations and pretend like we always have it together all the time but it’s hard. Especially when we have insecurities, haters and honestly life in general that can get in our way.
That’s why it’s so important to have confidence. And I don’t mean confidence like not needing anybody to tell you how cute you are because you already know (although that’s great too!).
I mean confidence as in knowing who you are, what you can and cannot do and living your life in alignment with that. Knowing the value that you bring to the world, holding yourself to a high standard and not letting the world kick you left and right because you know you are worth much more than that.
That’s something we should all strive for. But first, let’s establish what this confidence looks like in a woman.
How can you tell if a woman is confident?
To tell if a woman is confident, it is helpful to look at the way she carries herself and the habits and decisions that make up her daily life.
Does she talk negatively about herself? Is she easily swayed by others’ opinions? Does she let limiting beliefs or the fear of failure stop her from pursuing her dreams and goals?
It’s also helpful to think about women in your life who exemplify these qualities or similar ones.
For instance, I have an aunt who was the epitome of confidence for me. She knew exactly what she wanted in life and she went about doing things with no stress and with full assurance in her capabilities. Even as she got older, she had many interests and things that she wanted to pursue such as learning how to play the piano.
Some people could have come up with reasons why that wouldn’t work for them, like being too old, not having enough time or not being good enough but not her. She firmly believed that she could accomplish whatever she put her mind to regardless of any reason, especially not her age.
I don’t know about you but I want to be like her when I grow up!
How do I know if I’m not confident?
Here are some signs that you may be struggling with low self-confidence. FYI, we all go through these sometimes. I don’t think there is a single person in this world who feels 100% confident all the time.
You have people-pleasing tendencies
People-pleasers usually make themselves small and put everybody else’s needs before their own. They want to be accepted and approved and liked by everyone so they tend to suppress their authentic likes, dislikes and needs to conform to others’ expectations. If this sounds like you, you may be struggling with self-confidence issues when it comes to being true to yourself and being okay with the disapproval of others.
You struggle to speak up in groups
Do you get nervous about contributing ideas in a group at work or school? Or maybe you don’t like to speak up and share things with your friends because you’re scared they’ll laugh or criticize you. This is a sign that you don’t believe in your voice and your ideas and beliefs enough to share them with others.
You’re afraid of conflict
If you always avoid conflict or you are always trying to keep the peace and appease others around you, it might be a sign that you lack self-confidence. Maybe you don’t trust yourself to have valid points (even though your views and lived experiences are valid regardless of what anyone thinks about them) in an argument or to be able to properly defend yourself and so, you avoid conflict at all costs.
You’re terrified of change
Do you struggle with change? Do you like to keep the same routine and when things are predictable? Do you hoard a lot of things in your house and can never get rid of anything because everything has sentimental value to you? If you don’t usually take a lot of risks or try new things, then it might be because you lack the confidence to navigate changes healthily. I still struggle with this.
You have negative body language
If you often slouch your shoulders, keep your arms crossed or avoid eye contact with people, then this could be a sign that you are not confident. If you are not comfortable with your body and feel safe in it, that can easily be seen through bad body language.
You speak negatively to yourself
If you always think negative thoughts or you are always beating yourself up about something, then you may be struggling with self-confidence issues. Failure and mistakes are okay but if you are always blaming yourself, it’s a sign that there is a deeper issue going on.
You always worry what others think
Are you constantly worried about others’ opinions? Do you always run things by your friends and family when you have big decisions to make? You likely do this because you don’t trust yourself enough and always find yourself needing approval from others.
8 Signs of A Confident Woman
1. She is self-aware
A confident woman knows herself.
Socrates said it best, “Know Thyself.” She is self-aware and she knows her strengths, weaknesses and limitations. Because she knows herself so well, she knows when she’s not living up to her potential and she can call herself out on her own BS (with grace and the occasional tough love of course)!
2. She knows her values and lives intentionally
In life, I believe it is critical to live with intention and meaning.
Intention gives you direction and women who exhibit confidence live intentionally, according to their values. This means not compromising their values for a perceived benefit and staying true to themselves. This means not making decisions that don’t align with what they believe in. It means having the courage to break the status quo and live life on their own terms and no one else’s.
3. She doesn’t seek approval from others
Aah other people’s approval…we know it’s pointless to pursue it yet we just can’t help ourselves.
Blame it on our basic human nature but you know what’s a true sign of confidence in a woman? When she’s able to give a giant middle finger to the approval and opinions of other people. When she is so secure in who she is that regardless of what anyone thinks, she is simply just going to do her and live life for herself.
4. She goes for what she wants fearlessly
A woman who believes in herself knows what she wants and she goes for it with all her might, regardless of any obstacles that may be on her way.
These obstacles may be life circumstances, like not having the financial means to level up their life, not being experienced enough to go after a certain job or being discriminated against for simply being a woman. In some cases, the obstacles might even be internal in the form of self-doubt, imposter syndrome or personal insecurities.
The fact that she can push through those barriers and still pursue her dreams is what makes her stand out from the crowd. She might feel the fear but she always acts in spite of it.
5. She takes time to self-reflect
Another trait of a confident woman is that she always takes the time to check in with herself and be mindful.
This could be through a mindfulness practice, journaling or therapy. She understands that consistent self-reflection is important for her to make meaningful decisions in life and to make sure she is okay.
6. She looks after herself
A confident woman takes care of her mind and body. She maintains a healthy diet (void of things that are not nutritious for her body), gets enough sleep and tries to lead a mostly stable, peaceful lifestyle. She understands that all those things affect how she shows up in the world which is why she takes her health and wellbeing very seriously.
7. She doesn’t chase things or people
In life what’s meant for you will find you.
A woman with confidence knows this full well and thus, doesn’t need to spend time chasing things or people. She stays calm and goes about doing her business. She also doesn’t stress herself too much if a relationship doesn’t work out or if a work opportunity doesn’t work for her. She knows that as long as she continues to work hard and be a good person, in due time, what’s meant for her will find her.
8. She doesn’t fear failure
Failure and mistakes are a part of life.
A self-confident woman knows this and doesn’t let it derail her from pursuing her goals and chasing her dreams. When she messes up, instead of bashing herself continuously, she licks her wounds and gets right back to it. She remembers the awesome human that she is and acts accordingly!
How to become a confident woman?
The above signs provide a map to guide and inspire you on your self-confidence journey. Here are some things you can do every day to build your self-assurance and become a more confident woman.
1. Take care of your mind and body
Invest in a self-care routine that’s unique and fun for you. Start prioritizing regular exercise. Make it simple and enjoyable so you can actually keep up with it (like going for a walk every day or a dance class).
Eat healthy, nourishing food and start taking your rest and sleep seriously.
Also, take some time to journal and self-reflect about your values, goals, and insecurities. Challenge your negative thoughts and remind yourself why they’re not true. Therapy can also really help with that. I have personally greatly benefitted from it.
Take care of yourself and your confidence will radiate from the inside out.
2. Recite positive affirmations
I love positive affirmations because they help me visualize and bring out the positive, confident energy that I’m trying to have in my life.
Make a habit of consistently reminding yourself (out loud) why you are good enough, why you deserve good things and why you are okay regardless of what anyone thinks. If you struggle with people-pleasing and it wrecks your confidence, check out my post with affirmations for recovering people-pleasers.
3. Take up some new challenges
Is there something you’ve been wanting to do but the fear has kept you stuck?
Do you want to write a book? Start a YouTube channel? Take a solo trip to Europe? Run a marathon?
Identify small steps that you can take each day to go after that thing, say a big, loud NO to the fear and DO IT!
It’s going to feel hella uncomfortable but that’s a sign that you are growing and challenging yourself.
The more challenges you take and overcome, the more confident you’ll become.
4. Don’t take yourself too seriously
Life is short guys. No one got time to be worrying 24/7 what everyone else thinks.
So whatever you want to do, do it. Take risks. Have more fun. Dance like no one is watching. Laugh WAAYYY too loud. Sing at the top of your lungs!
You might look stupid along the way. You will probably make some mistakes. People will likely laugh and point fingers.
JUST KEEP DOING YOU!
Who cares what others have to say? You’ll be able to go to sleep every night knowing that you’re taking chances and having fun along the way and if you ask me, that’s what life is all about.
5. Learn to love yourself a little bit more every day
It’s a cliche. Everyone says it. But it’s true.
It all starts with you. Whatever approval, love and esteem you try to gain from the outside world, give it to yourself first.
Look in the mirror and learn to love what you see. Tell yourself that you are THAT GIRL! There is no one like you!
Instead of beating yourself up for every mistake, be kind and patient with yourself, the way you would with a good friend.
Be your number 1 hype person when you’re feeling down. Follow Mel Robbins’ advice and high-five yourself in the mirror every morning as a promise that no matter what happens, you’ve got your own back.
Keep a list of all the things you love about yourself and the ways you bring value to the world. Read it 100 times if you need to when you start to feel like you’re not important and worthy enough.
Become so secure in yourself that regardless of whatever happens externally, inside, you’re at peace because you know you’ve got YOU.
Final Thoughts
I hope this post inspired you on your journey to become more confident
The journey to gain more self-confidence is an everyday battle. You have to learn to consistently show up for yourself and ignore all the haters. This could be actual humans who don’t want to see you progress in life but sometimes, it’s those negative thoughts telling you you’re not good enough.
But keep pushing and making small efforts every day. Your future, awesome self will thank you!
