Overthinkers struggle often to make big decisions.
This is ironic given that life is made up of a series of decisions (big and small). You know, from choosing what you’ll have for dinner to who you’re going to marry and (hopefully) spend the rest of your life with.
This really hit home for me. For a long time, my sister has been telling me how indecisive I am but I never agreed with her until recently.
When we go out to eat or we’re out shopping, I ask way too many questions and take way too long to make a choice. I now realize that I do have a problem with decision-making because I always want to try and make the best possible decision. I want to avoid failure or mistakes at all costs and so sometimes, I even end up making no decision and leaving it up to her.
This is not a healthy way to live because decisions are a part of life. You can’t avoid them simply because you want to minimize the chance of you making a mistake. You are human so most likely, you will still mess up at some point.
That is why it’s important to learn to navigate the decision-making process with ease and confidence. You have to figure out how to make it work for you so you don’t panic so much whenever you have to make a decision.
That way you will be able to live your life knowing that you are making the most informed decisions in any circumstance.
Why do I struggle to make decisions?
– You’re scared to make the wrong decision so you delay making ANY decision: if you are a perfectionist, you want to make sure you make the best, most informed and relevant decision. That is why you spend too much time collecting evidence, asking other people for their input and reflecting. You may also spend a lot of time procrastinating before starting projects that are important to you. Since you take so much time thinking and deliberating, sometimes you don’t even decide at all.
–You worry what other people will think: you want to be accepted by others. You want them to approve of you and even be proud and supportive of you (especially if it’s friends or family). Since you don’t want to be embarrassed by a potentially negative outcome of your decision, you struggle a lot with actually making it.
–You don’t trust yourself enough: are you scared to decide because you worry that you won’t be okay if you fail? That you won’t be able to come back from whatever failure MAY happen if things don’t go your way. That may be a reason why making a decision is such a difficult thing for you.
Here are 5 questions to ask yourself whenever you struggle to make big decisions. Whenever I find myself being indecisive, I consider these questions and they make the decision-making process easier and more concise for me. I hope they help you too!
1. How does this feel to me physically?
You know how people say that you should always listen to your gut instinct? Well, they are right.
Many times when we need to make a decision, we get so overwhelmed with outside noise (family expectations, society, others’ opinions) that we forget to tune in to our inner voice.
Before engaging in any life decision, take a minute to reflect and pay attention to how this decision makes you feel.
Does your body tense up? Do you feel at peace? Do you feel excited? Do you feel scared?
There was a time when I really liked a guy and I decided to continue pursuing a relationship with him, even though he was giving me major red flags. He seemed nice enough on the surface but there was just something about him that made me feel weird. Sometimes he was very nice but other times he would give me breadcrumbs and even gaslight me. I ignored the signs until one day, we had a huge fight that eventually led to us going our separate ways
Fear is not always an indicator that something is not good for you. As Will Smith said, the best things in your life are on the other side of your fears. However, if the fear is persistent and has kind of a negative vibe about it, then you need to tread carefully.
2. Would I benefit from someone else’s perspective or is mine enough?
There’s nothing wrong with asking for someone’s opinion when it comes to certain decisions.
People with more life experience like our parents can provide you with some much-needed wisdom. Your friends can give you different, useful perspectives that you may not have considered before.
But sometimes, you can get so wrapped up in outside input that you forget that you had the answer all along.
Other people have their own views but at the end of the day, you know your life best. Sometimes, the only opinion that you need is yours.
3. Can I live with the consequences/outcome of this?
You are a human being. This means you will most likely make mistakes at some point. They come with this thing called life that we’re all trying to survive.
This is all to say that there will be times in life when you make a choice and it’s actually the wrong choice.
Or maybe it is the right choice but it comes with a ton of baggage. For instance, disappointing your friends and family and them maybe not wanting to speak to you for a while.
Give yourself a break. None of us are superheroes. We’re all just trying to do our best out here. Some decisions you make won’t come with the ideal outcome. You need to be aware of this and whether or not that is something you think you can live with.
4. Does this align with my values?
This goes hand in hand with the first point of this post. Before making any major life choices, you need to make sure they align with your values.
To do that, you need to reflect and figure out what are the things that matter the most to you in life.
For me, I deeply value my family, my relationships and my peace of mind.
Whenever I needed to make a big life choice like which job to apply for or choosing which program to do for graduate school, I asked myself how this would affect my peace of mind and my relationships with the people I love most. Would it bring me farther from them? Would it bring me a lot of anxiety? Then I aligned my decisions accordingly.
So take some time and think about your values and what’s important to you. That way, you’ll be able to make more meaningful choices in life.
5. What do I actually want?
For this, ignore everyone else for a second and I mean really ignore them.
It’s very easy to let other people sway our decisions.
Many of us struggle with people-pleasing tendencies. We are also scared of embarrassing ourselves and looking stupid in front of others. The problem with these thoughts is they stop us from living a life that is truly authentic to us.
So next time you want to do something, give yourself permission to blur out the noise from everything and everyone else. Instead, focus on you. What do you want? What would make you really, reallyyyy happy? Then, go do it!
Final Thoughts
You can’t avoid making tough decisions. That’s a part of life. But I hope these questions help bring you some clarity and peace next time you struggle to make a big life choice!
