When you have social anxiety, you already may not be a huge fan of parties.
So if somehow you find yourself at one, the last thing you want is to just be there by yourself with no one to talk to and have fun with.
No one wants to go to a party and just be there by themselves. Especially if you already don’t want to be there or your friends had to drag you out of the house for it. It’s the ultimate embarrassment for us socially anxious peeps.
So here are some tips that help me stay calm, have fun and socialize with ease at ANY party. These can be applied to parties, receptions or any other social gatherings that make you a teeny bit nervous.
Thanks to these, you won’t even need to stare at your phone and pretend to text someone while you really just scroll through random pages (iykyk!)!
1. Get yourself in the right mindset prior to the event
Just like any anxiety-inducing situation, going to a party may require some serious mental preparation from you.
That’s why you need to establish a calming routine that you can follow before going to an event.
For example, take some time to calm your nerves with some deep breathing or a few minutes of quiet meditation.
As you get ready and choose what outfit to wear, affirm how excited you are to go to this event, meet new people and have lots of fun. Remind yourself that you’re worthy of being there and the people that you’re meant to connect with will flow to you with ease.
Back in college, I struggled often with feeling lonely and homesick. That’s why I was determined to befriend other international students like me.
So I dragged my behind to as many social events organized by them as I could. But honestly, there were times when I literally had a mini-freakout before going to some of those events!
You see, my anxiety was telling me that people there would reject me, that they wouldn’t find me interesting and that I would continue feeling that loneliness throughout my college years.
A tad dramatic right? I know. But maybe you can relate!
What helped me a lot was saying a little prayer beforehand. I put the whole event in God’s hands and asked Him to help me relax, have fun no matter what and meet interesting people. I also recited positive affirmations to pump myself up and help me feel more confident beforehand. Like:
- I bring fun, positive and lighthearted energy to every interaction!
- I am worthy and welcome in any space I walk in
- I choose to show up as my full authentic self and have fun while doing it
2. Stay at strategic places
If you want to meet people and socialize, you also have to be strategic about it.
According to Vanessa Van Edwards, founder of Science of People, it is easier to meet people when you stay at strategic places. For instance, near the drinks area. This is because after getting a drink, people are usually ready to chat and meet new people so you’d be right on time! You could also try standing close to the host as they’ll probably know a lot of people at the party and could easily introduce you.
So if you’re just chilling at a party, why not spend a little bit of time in those areas? If it feels a little awkward, give yourself maybe 10 minutes. You never know, you may find some “kindred spirits” also in search of other people to talk to. Especially if you combine this tactic with my next point which is….
3. Don’t be afraid to make the first move
A lot of people DREAD doing this and I understand why.
But I’ve had to do it before.
Sure, you don’t want to get rejected OR look stupid if you get rejected.
But I can personally attest to the fact that most times, these stories that we tell ourselves are completely invalid.
I have walked up to people at parties and started conversations many times. Tbh, I honestly don’t know how I found the courage to do it but I did. And 90% of the time, it resulted in us building a genuine friendship. (Sure, there were times it didn’t work out but I choose to focus on the times that it did).
Honestly, you can’t always wait for people to come to you. Sometimes, you have to go to them first. People have other things going on in their heads and they honestly may not even be noticing you.
But that’s okay, you can make them notice you! If you want to make more friends or connect with people, be an active participant in your own life, get off your butt and go make it happen!
4. Bring a friend
Hey, desperate times call for desperate measures!
If you’re super nervous about attending a party or any other gathering, why not bring a friend with you?
You know that friend. The one who’s a social butterfly and who can talk to literally ANYONE with such ease, they make it look so effortless.
Why not bring that friend?
It’s always nice to have a friend with you at a party for safety reasons and also a party is so much more fun when you have someone to enjoy it with!
Not only can they provide you with some emotional support during the event but they can also encourage you and “gently” push you out of your comfort zone to meet new people. Hey, you might hate them for it in the moment but you could also thank them for it later!
And if all else fails, at least you’ll already have a friend there with you!
5. Leverage your USP to engage with people
Do you know what else can help you make friends with new people at a party?
Your unique selling point! Or as I like to call it, your superpower.
That thing you’re really good at. That thing all your friends know you and love you for.
Use that to your advantage!
You can def have multiple but I’ll take me for example.
I LOVE to dance. I may feel a bit anxious to go to some parties but as long as there’s good music and good people, you’ll find me on the dance floor!
People know me for that and they know that I will for sure bring a fun time if we’re going out together. I’ve also made friends by spontaneously dancing with people or with people noticing my “skills” (😉) and inviting me to dance with them. One thing leads to another, we find out we have things in common and VOILA!
Really at the end of the day, it’s all about being true to yourself, having fun and being in the moment.
If you’re a really funny person, bring your sense of humour to conversations.
If you’re super passionate about music or food, talk about that with people.
If you love to dance like me, bust some moves on the dance floor and do it with confidence. I promise you people will notice and they’ll applaud you for it (literally)!
6. Focus on you, not them
When you have anxiety, you get in your head a lot.
Before any social setting, you worry excessively about how you’ll appear to others and whether or not they’ll like you.
I’ve been there.
But the more life experience I get, the more I realize that doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter how they feel about you. What matters is how YOU feel about them.
It’s incredibly frustrating for you to put yourself out there. I get it. I still have to pump myself up before doing it. But I know you still try everyday because you don’t want to let your anxiety dictate your life. You reading this post proves that and you deserve a pat on the back just for that.
So at that party, as long as you show up as your most authentic, confident self, it’s okay if not everyone likes you. Not everyone is meant to like you. But I promise you the RIGHT people WILL find you. And that’s what we want, real connections not fake ones just for the sake of show.
So if you see someone who seems interesting, don’t be afraid to start a convo with them. Give them a compliment or simply just say hey. Then, get to know them a bit more to see if you like them and you see you guys actually being friends.
7. Decide you’ll ACTUALLY make an effort to put yourself out there
You made the first move by showing up at the party…yay congrats!
Now be intentional about actually making the most of it.
Relax! Shake off your nerves and DECIDE that you’re going to have fun no matter what.
Smile often and have a light-hearted attitude!
You don’t want to come off with a negative energy about you like you don’t actually want to be there (even if that’s actually true!). If your goal is to make some new friends, people will see it on your face and won’t even want to approach you!
And as tempting as it is, PLEASE PLEEAASE don’t spend all your time on your phone checking imaginary messages! I know you know what I’m talking about…we’ve all been there!
I hope you found these tips helpful. Now put down your phone, and go enjoy that party will you?😉
