Having some great friends can go a long way in helping you live a great life.
Honestly even having one great friend is just as important if not more.
And it’s not just because you have a person to laugh with and do fun things with. It’s also because you have someone you can truly be yourself with. Someone who loves you exactly as you are with the good, the bad and the ugly.
In this post, I will be highlighting some qualities that I highly value in my closest friends.
As an overthinker, I am aware that I can often be a gigantic pain in the ass with all my incessant yapping about all the stuff going on in my head. Not everyone can tolerate that.
But I am blessed to have great friends who do and who can bring me back down to earth when necessary. If you are an overthinker and you’d like to see more of these things from your friends, share this post with them (be kind though!). If you’re the friend of an overthinker, take note and see if you already have some of these traits or what you could improve upon.
1. Be a good listener
We overthinkers have a lot of thoughts running around in our heads. Some are legitimate, some are not, let’s be real here.
But regardless of how important the thought is, we want our friends to be willing to hear us out and give us the space to express ourselves without judgment.
So when your overthinker friend comes to you with something that’s on their mind, listen to them. And be patient with them. Don’t immediately offer a solution (unless they ask for it). The simple act of having you listen to them will help them feel so much better and less stressed.
2. Don’t invalidate their feelings
Listening is great but you also want to make sure that you listen properly and you don’t invalidate their feelings.
Listen to what they have to say and please don’t interrupt them. They are coming to you in a vulnerable position. Invalidating them could make them feel like you don’t really care to hear what’s bothering them.
Also, don’t judge or mock them for what they have to say (even if deep down you don’t think it’s a big deal).
If you do that, then they will definitely not want to talk to you in the future because they will no longer feel safe sharing things with you. As their friend making them feel heard, safe and validated should be your top priority.
3. Remind them to challenge their negative beliefs
People who struggle with overthinking and anxiety often deal with negative thoughts and limiting beliefs on repeat. We may feel like we are not good enough or we may beat ourselves up non-stop about past mistakes and then get too stuck in our heads to even realize we’re doing it.
That’s why you need to remind your friend to challenge those negative beliefs, especially in the moments when they can’t do it themselves.
One of the things I love about my best friend is how whenever I get stuck in this cycle of rumination and feel really bad about myself, she always helps me come up with evidence to counter the negative beliefs so that I remember all the reasons why they’re not true and why I’m actually doing much better than I thought.
4. Don’t be afraid to call them on their (occasional) BS
However, I will fully admit that some of the stories I create in my head can be pretty far-fetched sometimes. I meannn when I think back to some of the worries I have shared with my friends (and that actually did not come to pass), I literally can’t believe myself.
In this case, it is absolutely okay to call them out on their BS and bring them back to reality. With love of course!
5. Plan activities that help them stay present
Encourage your friend to get out of the house and do some fun, distracting activities with you. Plan a trip with them or go to a concert. Anything to get them out of their head and into real life!
Remind them that there is a whole world outside of the (often toxic) one they’ve created in their heads and there’s so much fun to be had in it!
Pick activities that are exciting and will help them get back to the present. Learn to meditate together, take an exercise class or plan a game night with other friends. The more engaging the activity, the better!
6. Patience! Patience! Patience!
I feel the need to mention this….also be patient with them.
When your friend takes ages to make decisions and overthinks everything, please, pleeeaaaseeee be patient with them!
I know it’s hella annoying sometimes. And yes, it can definitely waste time (especially because choosing what to eat for dinner shouldn’t be THIS difficult!!).
But it’s just a part of our process.
I know there are times when there really is no time to waste and it’s up to you to determine when to put your foot down in those cases. But when it’s really not that big a deal, why not play along and indulge us a little, instead of pushing us and putting pressure on us?
Just a thought!
My fellow overthinkers, do you see some of these traits in your friends? Is there anything else you’d add to the list? Let me know below!
