Growing up, I never thought of myself as a popular person.
Sure, I had a few friends that I hung out with and did things with. But for the most part, I mostly enjoyed my own company and I wasn’t super social with most people.
Also, as an awkward person who struggled heavily with social anxiety, socializing was just not really my cup of tea.
I used to think I was the most awkward kid but when I look back at my school years, I now realize that I actually had a lot more friends and acquaintances than I gave myself credit for. Sure, I was not besties with every single one of these people but many of those are people that I managed to connect with in a very organic way without even trying that hard. I’m even still in contact with some of them.
Tbh I still don’t fully understand what drew all those peeps to me but I realize now that part of it was because I exhibited certain traits that made me likeable. These are traits that many people over the years have told me I have and that I have personally observed in other people whose company I really enjoy too.
So if you struggle to socialize, make friends or just want to be more approachable and fun to be around, here are some personality traits you can learn to develop and add to your daily interactions with people.
Also, feel free to check out some positive affirmations I came up with to help calm your anxiety before any social situation!
This post includes affiliate links which means I may make a commission (at no cost to you!) if you click on a link and decide to purchase something. Please read my disclaimer for more info.
How To Be Likeable As An Awkward Person
1. Be kind and have good manners
Pardon my language, but no one likes an asshole!
It’s important to treat others the way you would like to be treated. We are all human beings deserving of respect and dignity.
So think about how you treat people around you. Are you nice to the waiter who brings you your food at the restaurant? Do you say thank you to the lady who keeps the door open for you as she exits the building?
These are little things you want to be careful with. People notice these things and they may take that into consideration when deciding whether or not to interact with you.
But don’t just be kind because someone else is watching and you want to impress them. Do it because that’s just what you do when you’re a good person.
2. Take a genuine interest in others
If you have a nasty habit of always talking about yourself and everything that’s going on in your life (no judging! We all have these moments!), learn to start taking an interest in others’ lives as well.
This is a great way to start a conversation with anyone and it shows that you actually care about getting to know them.
And we humans loooove when people are interested in us and want to get to know us!
So start asking people how their day is going and actually pay attention to what they answer. You can also ask what their favourite food is or where they see themselves in 5 years.
I LOVE asking people all sorts of questions so I genuinely enjoy doing this. Sometimes I do worry that it might be a bother but most people actually have fun with it too so that’s a good sign!
3. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself sometimes
Life is not that serious.
That’s why it’s a SUPER attractive trait when someone is able to have fun and not take themselves too seriously.
Because of my awkwardness and anxiety, I often worried about saying the right things, appearing “perfect” and not making any kind of mistake in front of others. But the more I saw other people making their own mistakes, fumbling through life and laughing at themselves along the way, the more I realized that we’re humans and we don’t need to have it all together all the time.
BTW when I say laughing at yourself, I don’t mean in a demeaning way. I mean in a lighthearted sense that shows that you don’t take things to heart, you’re confident in yourself and you know better things are coming.
So don’t be afraid to look stupid or goofy once in a while and laugh along the way. I promise you, the right people will immediately be drawn to that.
4. Be real!
Perhaps most important of all, people like people who are real and who are not afraid to be themselves.
That includes the good AND the bad parts.
Over the years, I have stopped trying to hide my awkwardness. I came into social situations, knowing full well that my anxiety would manifest itself one way or another lol. Either by me not looking someone in the eyes, making silly jokes or some other way. I thought that was a point against me and would actually push people away from me. Surprisingly (but not really), people actually thought it was endearing and it made it easier for them to warm up to me!
Remember: in any interaction, don’t be afraid to show up fully as yourself. Unapologetically and fearlessly.
Embrace your flaws and your quirks. This is what will make people respect you and relate to you more.
If you struggle with accepting and loving yourself just as you are, I highly recommend you check out this book. It’s one of my favs and I frequently re-read it whenever I have a low day and I need to be reminded of my awesomeness!
There is something unique and beautiful about who you are at your core so own it. The right people will resonate with it in due time.
5. Be reliable
A very likeable trait that a person can have is being reliable.
And not just through your actions but your words as well.
In other words, say what you mean and do what you say.
If you tell someone you will help them out with something, actually follow through and do it. Don’t leave them hanging.
Realize that your words carry weight so you need to always be able to back them up with actions based on honesty and integrity.
Doing this will help people trust you more. It will also raise their esteem of you which will make them more likely to come back to you when they need help with stuff.
6. Be a good listener
WE humans want to be seen and HEARD.
One of the best ways to do this is by paying attention and listening to others when they talk.
Being a good listener is not easy. It takes tons of practice.
It’s important to listen to understand, not to immediately come up with solutions to the person’s problems (unless that’s what they say they need from you).
You also need to validate a person’s experience and whatever they need to say by giving them the space to say it and for you to listen.
I’ll use myself as an example.
My friends always compliment my listening skills. But it’s not like I was born as a great listener. I developed those skills over time and I didn’t always get it right. Hey, I don’t always get it right today. But based on what they tell me, I get it right most of the time (yayy!).
Being a good listener goes a long way with people. This will make them feel comfortable and safe sharing things with you and will help them like you even more as a person.
7. Exude positive energy
Think of someone you know or met at some point who has a very bad, negative energy about them.
Maybe they complain constantly or always gossip about other people. Or maybe they’re always looking for reasons to snap at other people.
How does it feel to be around them? Sad? Depressing? Does it suck the energy and fun out of things? Like there’s nothing good and exciting about life? That’s how it feels for me!
My point is no one likes a debbie-downer!
That’s why it’s so important to work on yourself and learn to exude more positive vibes!
A lot of people compliment me on my upbeat nature and positive attitude.
I’m usually a happy person and I’m always smiling at people. I also get excessively excited at random things and I use wayy too many exclamation points to convey that sometimes. Basically, I’m a child in a young adult’s body (as a dear friend of mine likes to say) lol!
So practice being more positive! Smile more, get excited about stuff, and be grateful for the awesome things in your life because there’s so much to be grateful for. When you do that, people can’t help but want to be around you.
