You know what’s one of the worst things to experience as a socially awkward person?
An awkward conversation!
Seriously!
You meet someone and after exchanging the regular pleasantries, then comes the much dreaded awkward silence…
…Eyes are averting
…hands retreat into pockets
And everyone is wondering who will finally break the ice and put you all out of your misery by saying the lifesaving but oh-so boring statement:
“So, the weather today huh!”
Yep. Not fun.
I’ve been in way too many scenarios like this but thankfully, I’ve come up with ways to help me hold a conversation and break through the wall of awkwardness like a pro. You can thank me later!
How To Have Great Conversations
1. Practice active listening
When engaging in conversation with someone, make sure you listen to them.
And I mean actually listen to them. Don’t just hear what they’re saying while you’re zoned out thinking about what you’ll have for dinner tonight.
No matter how “slick” you think you’re being, people can tell when you’re not listening to them. And it’s not nice, not to mention just plain rude.
Whenever someone is talking to me and it’s very obvious they’re not paying attention to what I’m saying, I get soo annoyed! It’s such a waste of my time and these are minutes of my life I will never get back. I might as well be standing there talking to myself at this point!
Maybe I’m being a tad dramatic? But you get my point.
So how can you be a better listener you ask?
- Look the person in the eye as they’re talking. I know we awkward people don’t always love to do that. But it makes a difference. But do this within reason. Don’t be weird about it. If it’s really difficult for you, look at the person right in between the eyes. They won’t be able to tell the difference.
- Take mental note of their name and refer to it during the conversation. We humans love it when people remember our names.
- Offer comments and/or questions about anything they say that sticks out to you. This shows that you’re actively engaged and interested in the convo.
Which brings me to my next point…
2. Ask lots of questions
I consider myself a professional asker of questions.
I always have questions for everyone. Funny, serious, deep, awkward, weird questions…you name it!
Sometimes, I have to stop myself from asking certain questions because they lead to really long conversations I don’t necessarily care to have. It can be a really fun and really annoying thing at the same time tbh.
My point is, I’m a very curious person by nature and it has done wonders in helping me have good conversations with people.
(Most) people usually love it when you take a genuine interest in them. It makes them feel seen. And isn’t that what we all want at the end of the day?
So take a genuine interest in people and ask them some questions to start a conversation with them.
Don’t overthink it either. And don’t worry about your questions being too weird. Who knows it could even help break the ice and you guys could become great friends who laugh about this later!
3. Compliment people
Everybody loves receiving compliments.
Not only does it show that you’re noticing and appreciating something about the person which makes them more likely to warm up to you, but it also boosts their ego. It’s a win-win for everyone!
So pay attention and find something.
If the person you’re talking to has a really cute accent, tell them.
If you like their hair, shoes or the colour of their nails, let them know.
Why not bring a little positivity into someone’s life and make them smile?
This is also a great way to start a conversation because it gives you an excuse to approach the person and talk to them.
4. Find things in common with the other person
I find it’s a bit easier to start and maintain a conversation with someone when you both have things in common.
What if you discover that you both went to the same high school? Or you’re both huge fans of the same singer?
This opens up the space for you to ask other questions, learn more about them and gain more from the conversation.
5. Leverage your USP (Unique Selling Point)
You should bring your USP (unique selling point) to every interaction!
Do you have a crazy sense of humour? Are you very charming? Do you know a lot of random, interesting facts and statistics that you can’t wait to share with everyone you meet?
Whatever it is, use it in a conversation. It can come in handy especially if you’re a bit more awkward and don’t do great in social settings.
For me, I love to ask questions and talk about personal development topics. Whenever this comes up in conversations, I always have a blast talking to other people and getting a peak inside their minds.
6. Just Have fun with it!
Above all, be yourself and just have fun with this.
Ask questions, be eager to listen and find bits of information that you can hold on to and that can help you carry the conversation along.
Whether awkward or not, there’s no reason you can’t learn to have great, stress-free conversations with people!
