It’s not fun being a perfectionist.
Nothing is ever good enough, failure feels like the end of the world and there just never seems to be a right time to celebrate yourself.
Obviously being driven and trying to achieve your best is not a bad thing. After all, nobody is striving to be mediocre in life. But this becomes a problem when it’s all you think about to the point that it influences every aspect of your life.
You’re a perfectionist if:
-You always beat yourself up when you make mistakes
-You never develop your creative ideas because you’re paralyzed by the fear that they won’t be good enough
-You don’t let yourself enjoy the small bits of progress that you make
-Nothing you do is ever good enough for you
-You don’t take criticism well
Sounds about right?
Obsessing about being the best or achieving perfect results is quite a toxic way to live your life.
It’s unrealistic and it puts unnecessary pressure on you. It does you way more harm than good because it stops you from trying new things and makes you unable to deal with any type of rejection or failure in a healthy way.
So, here are some tips to help you let go of this perfectionist mindset.
1. Ask yourself why you do this
Why do I need to have the perfect career? Why do I need to be the perfect child or parent? Why do I need to have everything figured out all the time?
For us recovering perfectionists, more often than not, there is a legit reason behind why we act this way.
Ask yourself: do you genuinely want to do a great job? Or you really want the praise that comes with being “perfect” all the time?
Many of us grew up with our parents drilling into us the importance of good results and success at all costs. This is not bad in itself but you should be concerned if you start to tie your identity to being perfect all the time.
This happened to me some years ago when I didn’t get accepted to my dream Ivy League university. I was crushed and made it out to be a way bigger deal than it really was. I mean how DARE they not accept me after all the work I put in to get straight As and be the “perfect” applicant?!! Eventually though, I realized that I wasn’t defined by that rejection and I was going to be okay no matter which school I ended up going to.
So learn to validate yourself and any success, no matter how big or small.
2. Accept that perfection is not possible
Plain and simple: perfection just doesn’t exist and whoever told you it does is lying to you.
People have different standards for different things. If you spend your time trying to cater to everyone’s idea of perfection, you will drive yourself crazy.
The sooner you get that idea out of your head, the quicker you’ll be on your way to living a happier, more peaceful life!
3. Start before you’re ready
Procrastination goes hand in hand with perfectionism.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to write a story but you don’t think you’re a good writer. Or you’ve wanted to start a youtube channel for a while but you worry about finding the perfect setting, perfect camera blah blah blah.
If you overthink about getting every detail perfect, you will never actually get started with anything!
Whatever the scenario, come as you are (flaws and all) and just do your best. People will be able to relate more if you’re authentic than if you’re trying to be perfect.
Remember: you will never fully be ready so JUST START!
4. Give yourself space (and grace) to make more mistakes
One really good way to let go of perfectionism is to practice making more mistakes.
Start putting yourself in more uncomfortable situations like taking a class in something that you have 0 experience in. Most likely you’re going to make mistakes as you learn. However, the more you do, you’ll realize that surprise, surprise! You survive and it’s not the end of the world.
In the process, you’ll also become more open to trying new things and you’ll gain more confidence in yourself!
5. Welcome criticism (to an extent)
As scary as it is for those of us recovering perfectionists, (constructive) criticism can be a good thing!
You might think there’s nothing wrong with the way you approach certain things but someone might disagree and that’s often not a bad thing.
So next time you receive some criticism, before you internalize it as a personal attack on your identity and your worth as a human, calm down and actually pay attention. And if it comes from a trustworthy source, you know it’s definitely coming from a genuine place of wanting to see you grow and do well.
Of course, it’s also important to separate constructive criticism from negative comments that are actually meant to hinder your growth.
6. Don’t take yourself so seriously!
Next time you make a mistake or fail at something, say oops, laugh it off and move on.
Every part of you will probably want to ruminate about it but still do it. After all, making mistakes is part of the human experience.
As a recovering perfectionist, these days when I make mistakes, I congratulate myself out loud and say “Congrats! You’re a normal, imperfect human being who makes mistakes.” Sure it’s not that funny aallll the time but hey I try!
Moral of the story: Life is short. Don’t waste your time beating yourself up for the mistakes you make and instead have fun making them!
There’s a limit between trying to achieve and be the best at something and hurting yourself in the process. Having a good intention is key and as long as you know you did your best, that’s good enough–it doesn’t have to be perfect!
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