Starting over at a new school and making friends can be scary especially if you deal with anxiety.
In 2022, I started my graduate program at a new university. I hadn’t been in school for a while and I had gone through a mentally challenging year prior.
In a way, this program was supposed to be my fresh start but I was so nervous about succeeding, making friends and feeling like I belonged amongst all these other smart people.
I knew I was smart but I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with my classes as they were quite challenging.
And I was also scared that I wouldn’t connect with anyone and it would end up being a very lonely experience for me.
Thankfully my fears were wrong! Not only did I finish my program successfully, but I also met some amazing people who became my great friends. (I talk a bit more about how I went through a mental “glow-up” during grad school in this article!)
If you’re in a similar situation, I want to remind you that making friends and forming new connections does not have to be difficult at all.
Here are some things I have done that have helped me form meaningful friendships while I was in school in spite of my social anxiety. This can be applied whether you’re starting at a new school or you want to improve your social circle at your current school.
I hope they help you find your people too!
Also, feel free to check out some positive affirmations I came up with to help calm your anxiety before any social situation!
1. Relax, your peeps WILL find you
This is way easier said than done but it’s true.
When I first started grad school, I was soo worried about not meeting any nice people and the overall experience just being bad for me.
But 2 years later, in retrospect, I honestly feel kinda embarrassed because I literally worried for nothing lol. I did find my people and I didn’t even have to try that hard.
One of my best friends from grad school approached me at a social event at the beginning of the program. To be honest, I did not think much of our conversation. I didn’t expect to see her again but we kept running into each other and before I knew it, we were sitting together in almost every class, collaborating on schoolwork and even making plans outside of class!
The right people will find you eventually and it might even be sooner than you think. So have some patience!
Even if right now your friends situation is looking a little bleak at school, worry not. As long as you continue to put yourself out there consistently and stay positive, I promise you you will find your people.
2. Get out of your comfort zone and try new things
You can’t expect to make new friends from the comfort of your own home (I know…how awesome would that be for us introverts!).
- So gather up your strength and take specific steps to get out and meet people.
- Sign up for some extracurricular activities.
- Attend social events at school like game nights, themed parties or networking events.
As a new international student at my grad school, I attended events where I could meet other international students and other people from my program.
I went to get-togethers organized by our department. I also went to mixers organized by different associations of international students.
All these things allowed me to explore my school’s social scene and make connections with familiar faces from my program.
I struggle with social anxiety and a bit of awkwardness so this was not easy for me. Maybe you can relate.
But it’s necessary.
Remember, you will never achieve awesome things in life if you always let your fears hold you back.
3. Exude positive energy
No offense, but people aren’t going to want to approach you and talk to you if you look mean, angry or sad.
So those of you with resting bitch faces, I need you to work to adjust them just a teeny bit!
As you’re walking around the halls, have a relaxed demeanor and smile often.
You don’t need to be smiling all the time and be weird about it but it’s about exuding positive energy. People are drawn to people who give off positive vibes and they are more likely to want to start a convo and get to know you if you do that.
4. Be likeable
Just like my point about positive energy, people will most likely want to get close to you if you are likeable.
So have good manners, have a good sense of humor about things and take a genuine interest in people.
The more people start to notice that about you, the more interested in you they will be. This will make it easier for them to be receptive when you try to establish a friendship with them. Check out my article on how to become more likeable right here!
5. Be a good student
I know in some cases, being a really good student can be tricky because some people worry it can make them come off as cocky, standoffish or arrogant but no.
Maybe this was true in high school and lower but in college, I noticed that when people see that you know your stuff and you do really well in class, it makes them want to get to know you more because they want to learn from you.
I became friends with people who complimented me on my presentation skills in class or even vice versa with people that I approached because I needed help with class assignments.
It may start with someone needing your advice as it relates to school material but very soon, it could blossom into a great friendship. You never know!
So don’t be afraid to stand out academically in class. Be open when someone asks for your help with things (but to an extent because you also don’t want people taking advantage of you!)
And don’t be afraid to also ask questions whenever you notice another person doing really well. You could learn a thing or two from them too!
6. Don’t be afraid to make the first move.
This is how I made many of my best friends.
I am an introvert but I have moments when I genuinely enjoy striking up conversations and meeting new people.
I have leveraged that to find the courage to walk up to people, ask for their name and just start talking!
When you are trying to make new friends, you have to be proactive. People are busy and have their own things to worry about. You can’t always hope that they’ll be the ones to reach out.
So be curious about people and don’t be afraid to walk up to them to start a conversation no matter how scary it might feel. Sometimes this is what you need to do to meet the friends that are meant to enrich your life!
You could even break the ice with some of these funny questions to ask your friends.
All of us are scared to look stupid and embarrass ourselves. By making the first move, you might be putting someone else at ease who maybe also wanted to talk to you but didn’t know how to approach you!
