I LOVE my friends.
Don’t you just love your friends?
I feel like they’re one of the best parts of my life right now. They make it so much more exciting and meaningful and fun!
I really don’t know what I’d do without my friends.
But for a long time, I didn’t feel this way.
For so long, I struggled to make friends and form meaningful connections. I went from being a shy, quiet kid to an awkward, insecure teen and no matter how hard I tried, I struggled to fit in and feel accepted for who I was.
Tbh, I still feel that way sometimes. It honestly feels like this social awkwardness thing has been a lifelong battle.
If you clicked on this post, maybe you can relate.
But today, I can proudly say as a young adult that I’ve finally found my people and I love them so so sooooo much!
We have a great time together, they accept and love me for who I am and they always inspire me to be a better person.
If you’re socially awkward and you feel like you just can’t seem to make any friends, regardless of your age, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Read on for what I did to find my people and finally welcome meaningful friendships into my life and how you can apply this to your life as well.
Also, feel free to check out some positive affirmations I came up with to help calm your social anxiety before any social situation!
1. Face your social insecurities
In order to meet your bestest friends in the world as a socially awkward person, it’s important to face what I like to call your “social” insecurities.
For instance, mine go something like this:
-People will think I’m weird
-They won’t like my voice
-They will laugh at me
-They’ll think I’m acting weird
This led to me as a grown-up struggling to make friends because I was so concerned with how I appeared to others. I thought whenever anyone interacted with me, all they saw was that awkward, “weird” girl.
Therapy and journaling are some great tools to really help you unearth those insecurities and face them head-on.
In my case, worrying that people would think I’m weird was a big theme in my social life. After some serious reflection, I realized that my fears stemmed from years of being bullied as a child because since I was shy and socially anxious when I was in crowded areas, I often did things that other kids viewed as unusual or “weird” like not talk to anyone or tense up. This happened whenever I felt overwhelmed and nervous because of all the people around me and many times, I even heard some people call me weird behind my back.
It took a while (and a lot of therapy lol) for me to accept that I had grown up and I was no longer that girl. I had grown into a confident, witty young woman who had lots of interesting things to say. So of course people would like to get to know me!
As you start to get out of your comfort zone and try to meet more people, realize that your fears and insecurities will probably always be there. But you can choose whether or not to listen to them and let them dictate your life and your relationships. Instead, learn to validate yourself and remind yourself of all the ways you are awesome, interesting and fun to be around.
2. Find people who share your interests
What better way to make friends than to find people who share the same hobbies and interests as you?
In high school I got close to other people in choir or theater clubs (which I’ve always been very passionate about).
Recently, one of my friends from grad school and I connected through our mutual love of fitness and fun exercise. She and I made a point to try out different exercise classes together and we had so much fun doing it.
So, think about it. What do you enjoy doing in your free time? What do you want to learn more about?
If you’re into reading romance novels (like yours truly), join a book club. If you’re outdoorsy and love to hike, sign up for a group hike.
This is one of the fastest ways to make new friends because you know you’ll already have something in common from the get-go.
3. Don’t be afraid to reconnect with people from your past
I know some people feel that after a certain age or once you graduate college and “officially” become an adult, it’s normal to basically cut contact with people from your younger years.
I don’t agree with that.
Some of my best friends are people that I knew in middle school but only got close to years later in college after either I or they decided to catch up with the other one online.
Of course, it may be a bit cringy or slightly awkward at first.
But you never know, people can surprise you!
We are always growing and evolving as human beings. Even if you never clicked with someone a few years prior, you may discover that you both have things in common as grown adults at later stages of life.
4. Don’t take yourself too seriously
If you worry about how to put your best foot forward to impress people and make friends, I’ve got some news for you:
None of us know what the hell we’re doing. Literally not a single one of us!
Some of us are just really good at pretending.
We’re all just moving through life, surviving, trying to be happy and have some fun along the way. Sometimes, we even bump into some interesting individuals who become our good friends and join the ride with us.
So even if it feels like it is, it’s not that deep. Stop taking yourself too seriously and just have some fun getting to know people.
5. Learn to also enjoy time by yourself
The cliche is very much true.
To attract good relationships in your life, you first need to have a good, no GREAT, relationship with yourself.
The same thing applies to friendships.
Because your friends are such a big part of your life, they can also significantly influence your life. For example, the decisions you make, the way you see yourself, the things you do. All these can be shaped by your social circle. If you’re not careful and you get involved with some bad peeps who pretend to be your friends but are really not, this could seriously mess up your life.
That’s why even as you look for your tribe, learn to be comfortable on your own as well and be selective of who you let into your world.
Discover your interests and values and take yourself on solo dates!
When you’re okay with yourself and genuinely enjoy your own company, you won’t feel (excuse my language) “desperate” to find friends. But when you do find them, they won’t feel like a necessity, more like a nice addition to your life.
6. Take the focus away from yourself
As a socially awkward person, when you’re out and about socializing, you can hyperfocus on what everybody else is thinking and how they perceive you. You may wonder:
-If you’re funny enough
-If you’re pretty enough
-If you’re (fill in the blank)
So exhausting!
No wonder we get so uncomfortable in social settings. Because we’re so in our heads and not even present!
Next time you’re at a social event, take the focus away from you and place it on them. Instead of worrying if people like you, ask yourself if you like them!
You are an interesting, funny human being with lots of fun ideas and experiences to share. Why wouldn’t anyone want to be friends with you??
7. Don’t stress about it
Remember to give yourself some grace and not put too much pressure on yourself.
As a socially awkward person, putting yourself out there can be a big step outside your comfort zone.
I know it may feel like no one really understands you or accepts you but I promise the right people will find you. It took me years to find people that I really connect with who really bring so much joy to my life but I am so grateful that I didn’t lose hope during that time.
Above all, remember to be authentic and stay true to yourself. Your awkwardness is not something you should be ashamed of or try to hide.
Instead, just embrace it. Get comfortable with it, go out into the world and still be awesome in spite of it!
And remember, you are worthy and anybody would be so lucky to have you as a friend!
Pingback: How to Have Good Conversations When You're Socially Awkward