” Stop giving so much attention to others’ opinions!” “Just live your life!”
Everybody says it but it’s a lot easier said than done.
We humans have evolved to literally depend on others to survive. You needed to find your people and fit well with them in order to have shelter, food and other basic needs met. Thanks to your tribe, you had a pretty good chance of making it on to the next day!
The thing is, this was tens of thousands of years ago! It no longer applies today! In today’s world, if you don’t fit in with a certain group, your chances of survival are still pretty high.
The Problem Though…
The problem with this way of thinking is it no longer serves us in this day and age. It stops you from living a life that’s truly authentic to you. One that fully embodies the things we want to achieve and experience in life.
When we constantly worry what other people think, how they might react to our decisions or the best ways to “change ourselves” to make sure we “fit in” a group, we are just taking the focus away from what we really want and need from life.
You only have one (very quick when you think about it) life on this earth. Why not do everything in your power to make sure you live it fully on your own terms and with no regrets?
Here are 6 ways to stop caring so much about other people’s opinions and start living life for YOU!
1. Get to know your own likes, dislikes and interests
If you’ve spent most of your life putting others’ opinions before your own, you might not be very clear on the things you like to do. You may have even lost a little sense of who you are and what matters to you. And I mean you, your unique, authentic self. Not the “you” who thinks they need to play a certain role for their family and friends. Or the “you” who has to meet other people’s expectations.
So take some time to learn more about your interests, likes and dislikes. Journaling is a great tool for self-reflection. You could also talk to a therapist or a trusted friend to help you understand why you are so afraid of asserting yourself as an individual.
2. Try new things, regardless of how others might feel about it
What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do but never did because you were scared of what people might think?
Whatever the thing is, do it!
It will feel really uncomfortable, but still, do it! You will never achieve anything by staying in your comfort zone. Insert anecdote here? So sign up for the class, write the book, ask out that person, take the solo trip–you only live once after all!
3. Get comfortable with not pleasing everyone
A harsh truth of life: you can’t please everyone.
You just can’t! Someone, somewhere, somehow will always find something to criticize about you. But that’s okay because we’re not meant to be for everyone.
As you take more steps towards living life on your own terms, expect some people to disagree with you, even people close to you.
Growing up, I was considered the “golden child” who always got good grades, had perfect manners and always took care of everyone around me. I got a lot of praise for that. However, as time went by, I realized that I lacked boundaries and I was always running everything by my family and friends to get their approval or praise. I realized that this was not sustainable as I was betraying a lot of my own needs and wishes to gain other people’s validation.
Today, I am very intentional about setting boundaries with my loved ones when it comes to the things that I want to do and that are important to me.
Your choices are not meant to make sense to everyone. So stop waiting for permission to live the life you want to live and learn to validate yourself instead.
4. Affirmations!
I’m a big believer in speaking the life you want into existence. So if you struggle a lot with the opinions of others, remind yourself daily why the opinion that matters the most is yours!
Look up positive self-affirmations online OR create your own. For example, “I validate myself” or “I will respect and honor my needs today no matter how others may feel about it”. Refer to them daily whenever you start to be swayed by what others think.
5. Surround yourself with like-minded people
” You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
– Jim Rohn
If you want to get better at not letting others’ opinions dictate your life, learn from people who are already living that life!
Almost every friend group has that one friend who is just living their best life and gives absolutely zero damn what others think of it. Spend more time with that friend and observe them, talk to them and ask them how they do it. Then apply their advice to your own life. If it’s not someone in your friend group, think of a relative, a mentor or someone else that you admire.
6. Be unapologetic
Your life is yours to live so there needs to come a point when you get real with yourself and decide that you are no longer going to let others’ opinions define it.
When you do, be prepared to stand your ground and not apologize for your choices, no matter what people may have to say about them.
As long as you know you are a good person with good intentions, who cares what others have to say?
You only have one life. Forget about others’ opinions and start being true to your authentic self. You will be much happier!
